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Why am I so anxious?? I just really really want them to enjoy themselves here... and obviously they will. More than that, I want them to enjoy themselves so much that they decide to move here. It's already a plan in the making... but I hope this trip seals the deal. It's the biggest thing that pulls us back to Brazil. Although, to be honest, the longer we are here, the further away life in Brazil seems and the more hopeful our outcome in Canada becomes.
We're working hard to keep Portuguese a huge part of how we communicate with Stella. We are trying to introduce her to Brazilian food (well, for now only feijão preto (black beans)). We listen to Brazilian music. We ideally would like to visit Brazil every year for a month and have Stella spend summers there eventually.
Frankly, I just don't want to go through moving again and starting our life from zero again.
If we ever did move back one day, it would have to be done right. We would take our furniture, have a place ready for us, have jobs lined up. No more deciding to move and selling everything and hoping for the best. That was fine when it was just the two of us, and even then it kind of sucked.
We're doing ok now. Things are still tight, Ro still works a lot, but we have a place in a wonderful neighbourhood, surrounded by several good friends (with babies the same age as Stella), tons of Greek immigrants (I love this part of our neighbourhood) and things are finally starting to feel permanent. That's a huge piece that has been missing over the last 4 years or so.... replaced by other new, wonderful life experiences of course. I can't say Ro and my life together hasn't been exciting. In fact, that's all it's been.
I never want to lose that part of who I am. I find myself eavesdropping on Brazilians speaking on the subway. Occasionally I speak to them... Stella is my conversation starter and luckily Brazilians love love love babies so I'm not just a weirdo. I like to think of myself as a mentor, an advocate, a link for Brazilians visiting Toronto. I want them to know I understand them and I am searching for a connection. Unfortunately, as I usually found in Brazil, it's difficult to connect with Brazilians beyond small talk. But that could have something to do with the venue.... it's hard to really get to know someone in a 7 minute subway ride.
Anyway, I took advantage of the time Stella is sleeping as well as search for a distraction from cleaning my house to write this blog. I am cleaning like a maniac, a mania I definitely brought home with me. And since I know my MIL will be wiping her fingers along the top shelves (I kid) I better get my toothbrush and get back to scrubbing. At least I know I will have an expert to help me for the next 5 weeks and that's nothing to complain about!